Insanity with RT.

RT came over last night and we began to talk about our Monday evening together. Now I completely forgot about some of the events that occured that night, but I thought this story was rather interesting and I couldn't help but share it. Well early on Monday night SD and RT came over to tell me about the lame ass weekend in San Antonio(God If only I could write about it, but that's there story not mine). Some of the things they told me were absolutely hilarious. Ok guys your weekend wasn't lame, you win. Well shortly after SD left because he had things to do early on Tuesday, leaving RT and I to our own devices. Bad Idea if you ask me. We decided that it was way to early in the evening and we wanted to do something. Bad Idea. First we went to the Chain Drive and immediately after walking in, we back stepped out of that place and high tailed it some where else. We went to two more bars and then decided it was best to just give up and eat some food. I had been craving Jack in the Box all day so that's where we went. Enter TwoBitHustler, he came up to RT's car asking for a ride to the 7-11 across the street to meet a friend for a cab right or something(the details are kinda sketchy and RT may be able to elaborate more...yes this is my plea for you to comment, RT). RT offered him a ride because he's nice like that. We came to find out that the guy was gay as well, so I told him that he was lucky it was two sissies picking him up and not some drunk frat guy looking for a face to punch it. We got to the store and this is where things took a dramatic turn for the worst. Some how we(well RT not me) got hustled out of some money and the guy totally scammed us. That or RT and I were so drunk that we turned on the guy and kicked him out of the car. I felt really bad that someone would take advantage of RT's kindness like that, so bad in fact that it took me two days and a converstation with RT to remember. *hugs RT im sorry that 2bithustler got the best of you. Don't worry, I know what corner he works on. Just another misadventure... In Other News: -Things with Sal are going great, I really hope this goes somewhere. -Catherine was in the recent episode of 'The Real World: Austin', when Nehemiah was rapping. -The shot of the 4 Real World girls walking on the street, yea over at RW16.com there's a picture of that night taken months ago. -The blog rumor for Big Brother, may just be a rumor. -Apparently there is a glass floor on the 2nd level of the new Big Brother house, which will be great for spying purposes. -Another rumor circulating right now on the Big Brother Forums is that there may be a transexual in this years cast! The basis behind this rumor is that there is a 8-6 ratio between men and women. If this is the case then the US is taking notes from last year's UK version in which a transexual actually won the show(Take a hint America, people in the UK voted for her to win) -Also I dont like the pics of this years cast, they look almost fake.(It's actually bitterness because I wasn't chosen as a contestant, but can you imagine me in that house with a friend? That would not be a good idea, at all...unless of course it was one of the exes) So ladies and gentlemen don't forget to set your Tivo for CBS next Thursday July 7th. I know my VCR will be set because myself, Jaime and his man are going to see the only American Idol, Kelly Clarkson!

Big Brother is watching...

From Realitybbq.com and various other places" -14 houseguests, 7 teams of two. Each team thinks that they are the only ones going in as a team. If they don't reveal this to anyone and make it to the final two, one person gets a million the other gets 250,000.00. If they spill the beans the prize money will only be the usual 500,000.00 and 50,000.00. There is a hidden bed and the weekly HoH may be able to keep a blog for that week...how interesting. So who are the 14 houseguests? Click the link above to find out. Looks like this is going to be a really good 'Summer of Secrets'

They're back...

From 967kissfm.com : "Real World Austin back in town...Saturday July 02 Lunchbox from the Bobby Bones Show is bringing the Real World Austin cast back to town on Saturday, July 2nd for one long day of partying. The fun will kick off at University Canyon Apartments at Pleasant Valley and Oltorf from 3p-5p. Come hang out by the pool and mingle with Wes, Danny, Johanna, Melinda, Lacey, Rachel and Nehemiah. Then get ready to party all night at Element at 5th Street and Lavaca. The live broadcast begins at 10p. Stay tuned to the Bobby Bones Show for more information!" I'm planning on going so look forward to some pics and an interesting blog. Have I mentioned that Sal is in the first episode? His face is blurred but it's him. He provided that tidbit of info before knowing that I was a huge fan of the show...kind of funny if you ask me.

Bewitched.

Well I didn't have a date on Friday, but I did get to see Sal on Saturday and yesterday we spent the entire day together. Now those of you that know me know that usually I get bored or annoyed with people rather quickly. That was not the case at all yesterday. I enjoyed every minute of the time I spent with him. I don't want to jinx anything so that's all I'm going to say for now. The title comes from the film, I saw it yesterday and actually enjoyed it. It was not an Academy Awarding film or anything like that, merely 2 hours of entertainment and 8.00 out of my pocket. I sure did wish we would have gone to Alamo Drafthouse because well they have beer there. Jaime is in California, and I'm waiting for his pictures so I can see how beautiful Venice Beach is. I do wish he would blog because some of the things he has told me are absolutely hilarious. That is all for today, hope your Monday is going as good as mine is.

Wait til you see my...

oh! I honestly didn't like that song at first but it has grown on me, and I've decided to make it a title.(yea thanks catherine for singing last night, and now it won't leave my head) After a brief job scare this week I was in dire need of someting exciting to do. RT and SD are currently out of commision because they are going to some lame ass concert in San Antonio this weekend. When they read this they are probably going to shoot me or something. Have fun guys and be safe! So anyways while everyone else in Austin was watching the second biggest Austin event this week, I was doing something way more exciting. Yes I know the Spurs won, but come on have you talked to me? Ok seriously back to my point, I was in a dire need of an exciting evening and Emma was the right person for me. She, myself, Catherine and some other folks went to check out 'Batman: Begins' at Alamo Draft House on Lamar. Now I was an Alamo Draft House virgin up until last night and I think I'm going to start going there more and more now. If you've never been you seriously should check it out, the set up is very interesting because well for one you get to drink during the film, and eat as well. I was more excited about the former. The movie for what it was, was decent. I'm not a Christian Bale fan, and I have a really hard problem getting those damn nipples on the batsuit out my head. Go figure, right? I did like the way Gotham City looked and it made me want to live a big city even more. The scarecrow was a good villian and I think he could have been used more than Liam Nesson(or how ever you spell his name) was. The movie left it open for a sequel but if this film was supposed to be a prequel, what would the sequel of a prequel be? Sit on that for a bit, and get back to me. Afterwards, we all headed over to Baby A's on Barton Creek for a post movie drink. We saw that the Spurs won, again woo hoo. After Baby A's Emma and I decided to head downtown and somehow I managed to drag her into Rainbow for some dancing. I honestly didn't think the night would take the turn that it did, but when I fall asleep last night I was very glad that we walked into Rainbow other than going anywhere else. You see while I was in the bathroom, this very cute guy came up to Emma, we'll call him Sal because he was so interested in salsa dancing and was trying to get Emma to teach him. He had a friend with him with a bad ass name, I'm just going to call him Olaris, but his real name is very similiar. Emma kept talking to these guys and I was merely on the sidelines, but through out the conversation I noticed that Sal kept looking at me and smiling so I returned the motions. It was very cute. Needless to say we ended up making out in the middle of a straight bar(Whiskey Bar) and I think I have a date tonight. We'll see what happens. And I bet your scratching your head and wondering about him. Well phone tag is such a useless game, and I hate losing.

I feel robbed.

One thing that I have a bad habit of doing is spoiling things for myself. I do it every season of Survivor, I even remember doing it when 'Scream 2' came out(Yes, I got online looked for the script and found out who the killers where, and I was only 15 back then). Well I've done it again with The Real World: Austin. Now while most of America was barely being introduced to the seven strangers, I on the other hand have known who they were for months now. It was a fun guessing game for awhile. Here's a small run down of what we came up with on RWA: Johanna-we had her name correctly. Rachel-We actually thought she was an asian named Cheng for the longest time. Lacey-She went from Aruela, to Melinda to Lacey. Melinda-She went from Lacey, to blondie, to Melinda. Danny-He went from Ace(real world paris) look alike to danny. Wes-Abe look alike(Abe was on Road Rules) Nehemiah-Oh the fights we had over his name! For awhile we thought his name was Marcus, and we finally settled on Nehemiah and we were right. Now that we have that out of the way let's talk about last night's show. If you haven't seen it yet(I'm sure you'll catch it in reruns, cause we all know MTV) don't continue reading. Danny is the first roomate we meet as he's saying good bye to his family. Now remember this small clip because it will come up later in the season and trust me it's deep, and sad. Next, we meet Rachel(Hi, I'm your roomate. The 'roomate' thing gets annoying fast) and Nehemiah meeting on the Capital lawn, which is oh so pretty. Wes and Johanna meet near a statue on Town Lake, and lastly Melinda and Danny meet on top of Mt. Bonnell(is this fate?). After a brief commerical we are back and the roomates are all in the house...let the fun begin! Rachel says 'roomate' about 3 more times(like I said it got annoying fast). This year the producers decided not to give the roomates any alcohol(did they not want drama?). We as an audience didn't get to see the cast run around downtown looking for a liquor store(there's pictures at rw16.com, and its also on MTV.com). Well once the booze comes out the roomates clothes come off and into the hot tub they go. During the hot tob action, we learn that Lacey is a 23 year old virgin and she isn't afraid to be herself around these people. Good for you Lacey! But I doubt you will last long with these hornballs. And now what would a Real World season premiere be like without some hook up action? First up we have Rachel and Melinda locking lips, it was hot and in the words of Johanna "I'm a wild child, but Melinda makes me look like a prude", and trust me she ain't lying. By the time the next segment is shown, Melinda is now in the pool telling Danny how she feels a connection to him...wait weren't you and rachel just...nevermind...this girl is a ho, with a cute butt and smile, so I will forgive her. They then go out and get drunk(at Paradox of all places) and Johanna drunkenly kisses Danny(hook up #2) and later storms out of the club with Lacey in tow. I have a feeling the rest of the season is going to follow this same pattern. Now pay attention because this is where it gets good. The next day they all go have lunch together and afterwards Johanna and Nehemiah take a walk. During the walk Johanna asks Nehemiah for help when she gets drunk cause she needs to be protected. Please cry me a river. Well that night the roomates all go out to the Aquarium for another night of drinking and having fun. Johanna gets dissed by Danny yet again and starts to really slam those shots down, followed by bar top dancing. At this point Nehemiah has had enough and tries to give Jo some water, but she aint having it. After fighting with her for a few moments(who knows with editing, really) Nehemiah gives up and tries to walk away, at which point Johanna grabs him and starts fighting with him. I mean ripping his clothes off, breaking glasses kind of fighting. While this is happening Wes and Danny notice the commotion and try to come to the rescue. Nehemiah had already walked out of the bar by the time the boys start interogating a drunk Johanna, who continuesly repeats "this guy was trying to be up nehemiah and I don't know why", trust me I'm a drama queen but this girl is good! So Wes and Danny take off to rescue Nehemiah with Melinda following. This is when some Austinites decided to have fun with these people and start pointing them to all the wrong directions and bars. Remember Nehemiah is already at home, and these idiots are running around 6th street looking for him. At some point during the search the guys get into it with other drunk people and you already know what happens, yes ladies and gentlemen a fight broke out and my poor Danny got his head beat in. I mean that in the literal sense, he had a dent in his head. After walking home and having Rachel(a Iraq War veteran, whose also a nurse whose also his 'roomate') look at eye, he decides it's time for a hospital visit. Now Danny is a trooper because his eye was really really messed up, did I mention it was indented into his face? Well after the doctor tells him he is going to need surgery the show ends and we are once again sucked in. I must say I haven't been so astonished by a Real World Premiere since Ruthie was rushed to the hospital during the Hawaii season but this season has topped that ten fold and now like the rest of America I'm hooked. Go figure. I've been hooked since way before the house was built. If you want any insider info, let me know I'll be more than happy to share it. Favoriate Quote from the episode came from Wes who was talking about Melinda: "Melinda is hot! She's going to hook up with everyone here, and I don't mean the house. I mean Austin." Until next time...

Full Circle.

I'm having quite the crazy week(and yes I know that it's just Tuesday) So I figured I'd post some of my favoriate posts, to kinda go with the title. So without further ado. Finally, this premieres!!! The Real World: Austin Remember when I said this shit was bannanas? And now it is... Oh, Gwen Stefani And once again, I walk a lonely road. Boulevard of Broken Dreams. Yep, this is happening again. Shift. And you would have thought I'd learn my lesson. Always take the claim. Until tommorow, don't forget to watch the season premiere of 'The Real World: Austin', tonight at 9 p.m CT on MTV.

Do Good, Stay Good, Live Good.

Sage advice from Tom last night. It makes more sense to me that to most. Hope all is well, and yes I'm still and idiot ;-)

Sunday.

It's Sunday and I could write a long post to let you know what's going on but I'm having a huge case of writer's block right now. My journal is full of blank pages. Until I get my voice back, I hope all is well.

Lines.

Lines, lines, lines, lines This title has been in my head for awhile now, the entire blog has been in there as well, hiding and waiting for the right time to come out. This may or may not be the correct time to let this come out, but I'm going to digress and just go with it. We as people have several lines that we draw within our lives. Hell our life is on some sort of predestined line that we know nothing about(or do we?). We base our friendships off of certian lines that we draw with people. Now it's common knowledge that my friendship with ex #2 has staggered since that entire drama, well ast night would be a perfect example of this or the line he drew with me way before I realized it. Scrappy and I went to have drinks after work last night and I was given information that I should have never recieved. Small tidbits here and there but nonethe less info, about ex #2. I thought previously that our friendship line was very strong, after last night I'm not even sure if that exists anymore. Don't worry I'm not going to hark on that subject again just bringing my point across. Another example of this line of friendship would be with all the real world austin people I keep meeting. Now don't get me wrong, I like each and every one of them, but they aren't a part of my inner circle of friends(the "Jays"), and they don't know very much about me a la the jays. So riddle me this, if one of them(rwa peeps) gets angry with me and someone else for hanging out to much, am I bitch for not caring or simply saying "I have my friends, your loss won't hurt me, not as much as a loss of one of the Jays will." Yes I know its an asshole thing to say but that's how I am, besides these real world austin cats, are great I can genuinely see myself being friends with them long after this is over. So there, the post was supposed to be about the different lines of friendships we draw with people. If it made no sense at all, oh well call me an idiot. Until next time, I'm off for a free dinner courtesy of Ex #2(I helped him move some crap on sunday and he's paying me back, see I'm not that much of jerk). and trust me there are more lines coming.

Tales of the City.

With my current possesion of a bicycle, the fact that this guy is from new york city and Justin will soon be moving there. This(the one about subways and bikes...just read the comments!) post made a good edition for today, who knows maybe if people quit calling me an idiot, I'd write more.

Fijacion Oral

Well my three day weekend is over, what a relief. I honestly was losing my patience yesterday with just hanging around my house. I cleaned like I never cleaned before and rearranged like I never have before. None the less this past weekend was great, wish I could write all about it, but I'm tired and the words just aren't coming out correctly. So here are some highlights: -Charlie's on Friday with RT and Blane, met a boy who lives near me. Also ran into JR for a brief moment -Saturday Extravaganza with Justin, included the Pride Festival which was nice for what it was. Then it was off to a fabulous dinner at Baby A's followed by steak Hillside at Catherine's with Emma, Mike and the Twins. Now let me tell you that was some good Steak. Afterwards we all headed to 6th street and sweated our asses off at Spill(note to anyone who goes to 6th street, the cost of beers is ridiculous and overpriced, avoid this place at all costs), After that we went to the gayest lil bar on 6th street, Barcelona. This is place is nice and underground(literally), the floors lit up different colors and I swear if I didn't know any better I could have sworn this was a gay club. Oh yea I met yet another Real World Austin person, hello Mr. Lee. -Sunday and Monday I did nothing. --ok mr/mrs anonymous, this is getting fun. How am I a copy cat?(p.s. I think I have an idea who this is) -as for the title, its dedicated to catherine with love. Also go out and buy Shakira's new album.

welcome.

welcome to your monday...my weekend was exciting as usual, i'll post more about it tommorow. As for right now I'm off to enjoy the last day of my 3 day weekend...

Hump day.

I'm at work until 4 p.m. today afterwards I plan to go sit by the pool and lay out in the sun. Nothing interesting for today. Whoever keeps commenting as anonymous "--", seriously if u don't have nothing nice to say, then atleast tell me your name. Quit hiding behind this little anonymous wall, because atleast then your comments will have more of an impact. I told my dad to watch this netflix movie I got, and at first he was a bit apprehensive against it. Today he called me to ask if he could let my younger brother watch it. It's good to know that not only have I cultured my father but also my younger brother. Oh yea, Talked to him last night.

This is the true story...

Of three strangers, living in Austin during the filming of 'The Real World' Find out what happens when these people stop being polite, start getting drunk, and start getting real. If you haven't checked this out, go right ahead because it goes with the rest of my story. The casting special was last night and Emma, Justin, Catherine, Mike and Cassie all got together and saw the show. The new cast members seem kind of bland but then in the last 2 minutes of the show, they showed a promo that knocked my socks off(and some of my clothes too!). This season seems to be very deep, and from what I read from my various sources, this season is supposed to be one of the best ratings wise, and one of the most saddest emotional wise. Tune into MTV June 21st at 9 p.m. to find out why. After the show we all headed over to Waterloo off of 360 where we were informed of 2 dollar specialty Martinis. Well remember last week when I mentioned that I was never so happy to spend 4 dollars on a drink, well last night that number was lowered to 2.00...woo hoo. Unfortunately, well let me say Fortunately the night did not end there. We all decided to go for a swim at Catherine's beautiful apartment off of 360 overlooking the hills....naked. Now I am not a prude whatsoever but I was the last one to jump in because I have never been nekkid(yes i know it's misspelled) in front of people like that. It was actually very liberating and sexual all at the same time. Most importantly because the weather was absolutely fabulous, the company was fabulous and those Martinis made me feel fabulous. Ladies and Gentlemen it was fabulous central, with a little bit of wrong thrown in for flavor. If there were cameras on us last night, we would have been ratings gold, emmy award winning if you will. My head is pounding like no other, thank god for no work today. I'm off to yet another misadventure... but before I leave, I want to have a moment of silence for a stranger I almost met last night. May he rest in peace.

Pride and Prejudice

I want to preface this entry by saying that you can't tell a writer to not write about something. That's like asking them not to breathe, talk or even think. With that said... Prejudice: A. An adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts. B. A preconceived preference or idea. Almost immediately after leaving work I spoke to Lizette and Lynn who were at the Pride Parade yesterday and then I spoke to Tom who gave me his run down of plans for the evening. I did want to see him because I wanted to know where this new found interest was coming from. I got ready as soon as possible and headed downtown to meet the girls and possibly later meet with Tom. The block party was okay for what it was, I’m hoping that next year they improve on the idea and make it a whole lot better than it was. I ran into Jonni, Sonny, and Johnathon while we were down there and it was a prelude of where the night was going to take me. After awhile of being bored with the block party the girls and I went to Rainbow to see what they had to offer, on our way there we ran into William and Luis, they were on their way to Red Fez, and we told them that we would probably meet up with them later. Rainbow was a completely different atmosphere than what I’m used to seeing on Sundays, but hell I was at the will of the wind last night. Tom arrived shortly after and at first I thought that this was going to be a good night, key word here ladies and gentlemen is thought. The girls decided to leave and I decided to stay with Tom, and we shortly left to go outside and talk about my current interest. Well I’m not going to write about the exact conversation because that is something that should and needs to stay between two people. Let’s just say I got myself into a situation that’s far more than I bargained for. There is some insecurity in people that I may never understand, and I’m sure there are a lot of insecurities in myself that others may not understand either, but last night on the corner of 5th and Lavaca, I was not prepared in the least for what I was told. To side track the conversation the fact of my smoking came up, and now I was already on the defensive so it got even worse. I walked way before things could get any worse and found myself without my friends in Oilcan’s, completely lost and pissed. Enter Johnathon to the rescue, followed by Justin and his boyfriend Yang. I was sober up until the point that Justin showed up because shortly after that I ran into Tom yet again, but this time I played the bitch card that I can play so well and ignored him. I saw more than I wanted to shortly after. Hell I even allowed myself to briefly go to the dark side for a brief moment. Enter Sonny finally coming to my rescue and taking me home. Now don’t even think that it’s like that, Sonny and I have been good friends forever now and that possibility is like me waking up one day and liking women again. Then today a call from Tom came in around 1, he wanted to know about us hanging out today and I told him the answer was quite obvious from last night, for those of you not on the up and up that answer would have been. NO, Nope, I don’t think so, are you serious? But a conversation continued and I came to realize, if I can’t deal with someone else’s issues, someone who I want to be in a relationship with, what the hell am I doing thinking that this could work? Maybe I should try to rework some thinking on that before I continue but for now all I can say is, I don’t know.

Only in Austin.

I've proclaimed time after time again how much I love this city. I love the culture, I love the laid back feeling that this city has, and I love how each and every weekend there is some kind of festival or 10K run going on. With that said, only here in Austin will the yearly Republic of Texas rally be held on the same weekend as the yearly Gay Pride weekend. On Friday(since this will probably be posted on Monday), the huge Motorcycle parade was held on S. Congress street, according to the Statesmen, over 20,000 motorcyclist roared through downtown. Now if you ask me that's a alot of testosterone roaming the lovely streets of Austin, what will us Homos do? Well probably nothing because after I did some careful research, I discovered that this has actually been a yearly event since the first gay pride parade 4 years ago. So the bikers know that we are here, and we know they are here. I was telling Jenny(who is at the huge biker rally in Manor, with her dad) yesterday that to some gay bikers this is like the best of both worlds. I bet some of(well the only gay leather bar) is really packed this weekend. It's to bad I don't get into the whole leather fetish thing or else I would be having a blast. Don't worry this is one thing that I do not want to experience, I like my fetishes the way that they are, no need to add new ones. Besides, I have this whole older man kick that I am currently on. I'm sorry for getting off point but we all know I tend to do that alot. I think that it's absolutely fabulous that this city will plan two completely different events on the same weekend, and there is no kind of craziness that occurs with other events(see Mardi Gras, Halloween, Texas Relays). Tonight after work, if RT doesn't call me I'm probably going to go join Lizette and Lynn and this gay block party that is happening over on Guadalupe and 4th(For those of you out of towners, this is also known as "The Warehouse District") and I'm going to definitely go down to the park tomorrow for the annual Gay Pride Festival. Awww, I couldn't imagine living in any other city than Austin. Except for New York City, but we'll get to that at another time. in the meantime check this out

It's Friday, Ya'll.

The move to my new building for work was very simple. I'm hanging out with Tom this weekend at some point. RT and I are having a slumber party. 22 years isn't a huge age difference, right?

The Age Factor

You may wanna read this first. I think it was Alliyah who once sang, "Age ain't nothing but a number", god bless her for making me think about this deeper. When I was 18, I dated Luke who was 21 at the time, not that big of a difference but as I quickly learned those 3 years really did matter. That boy had done alot more than I would have imagined, and now looking back and I can see it all happened in a similiar way with me. When I was 19, I met ex #1. There was this one time that I will never forget, him and I were in a heated arguement about something or another, and the age factor came into play. I tried to explain to him that a year was nothing, his response was "alot can happen in a year", boy was he right. I may have written about the phrase once before I'm not quite sure. I had just turned 21 when I began to date Ex #2, he was 25(and as of yesterday he's now 27), the age thing never really came up between us, except during a final arguement when we took a break from each other where he told me that my age and morals is what stopped him from seeing a future with me. Ok point taken, I'll save those mental notes. I dated ex # 3 and Jay when I was 22. They were both young vibrant 19 year olds, and would tell me the same things I would say to ex #1 and Luke. It was like looking at a mirror but only this time the reflection was slightly different and not as wise as I was at their age. After those two I decided not to date anyone younger than me, ever again. Then of course most recently there was Adam, someone who was my age. Someone I could actually related to. Boy was I wrong about him, he had a completely different thought process than I did and he was still stuck in his club rat phase-so unattractive. So now I'm here on the verge of something completely new, and absolutely insane and I think that I may just jump in and let the age factor go. But if alot can happen in a year, what about 13 years? And how much of a difference will that make, will I be referred to as merely a child? A young homosexual who knows nothing of life, well he won't say that if he really truly knows me, because those who do know me will say that the above questions couldn't possibly asked, because I am no where near like that. I am wise beyond my years(ok sometimes, not always). I guess we'll see, he's in Dallas for the week.

Guilt.

How many of us out there have a secret, something hidden, something we feel guilty about? Sit down ladies and gentlemen, no one can see you. In reality, we all have atleast one thing that we are guilty for, and no im not talking about the time you cut someone off on I-35 causing a 8 car pile up, because you should feel guilty about that, and yes you should feel guilty about the time you backed into 8 different cars on fraternity row in west campus and no one found out, but that one can be under rug swept. Now there are things, or choices that we as humans make and have made that we should feel no guilt for. "Guilt, is such a useless emotion", Jaime said to me last night after long phone call about well, guilt. You can blame him for the above and below. Now we as humans should not be ashamed of anything we have done, any choice we have made because in the end it is our own. We my friends are merely beasts, animals, and lastly... Merely Human. I've started thinking that guilt stops me from proclaiming, "yea bitches this is me!!", and feeling no shame. I mean I still do this, but not in such a extravagent way. Well last night Jaime and I were talking about this man I met nearly 4 years ago. Pre-ex #1, Pre-ex #2, Pre-mostly everything that I have been through here in Austin. Now let me tell you Tom, is a man amongst men(Quote, Bobby Jon-Survivor, come one you didn't think I wouldn't throw atleast one reality tv reference in here did you?). Tom has the entire package, a nice house, a bad ass job oh and EVERYTHING ELSE. This is someone I could go downtown with on anytime I want and sit and stare at the Frost Building for hours, We could go sit at the Starbucks on 6th and Congress(one of my favoriate downtown spots), and Zilker Park would be only a bike ride away. This would all be so incredibly nice but there is one teeny tiny problem, a thing that I like to call The Age Factor. Now those of you that know me, and those of you that know me will all agree that I usually date guys around or near my age. Well Tom is above the usual age group and that seems to be the biggest thing that stops me from presuing anything with him. I mean I've seen this man off and on for the last four years, and I barely told my bestfriend about him, and well now I'm telling ya'll. I think one of my biggest problems with dating guys my age is that I always tend to get the short end of the stick with them, well maybe just maybe this could all change. If only I could get rid of one thing... Guilt. Guilt of what my friends would think, Guilt of what my family would think. I mean come on, I'm not guilty or ashamed that I can proudly proclaim "I am a homosexual!", and with that I think that I shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed of anything, especially a decision to date an older man. And yet I am and I don't know why. Well just so you know I don't have the answer just yet, but trust me it's coming soon.