Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Joy Luck Club.

Meet Erin, Charles and Samuel. Erin and I went to high school together and I had called him on Sunday while my brothers and I were visiting my mother. Erin had informed me that he along with two of his coworkers would be driving down to San Antonio on Monday and that he wanted to stop by since we hadn't seen or hung out with each other in a long time. I should have said no, but I'm a good friend so I told him to give me a call when they got into town. So there I was on my way home when I got the phone call, Erin explained that the guys wanted to go out and spend the night in Austin and just continue their trip to San Antonio on Tuesday, I told him that I really didn't know of any place that would have vast amounts of women on a Monday night, "We could go to a gay club", I joke. Erin just laughs and continues on with the conversation. I ask him if it's ok if I can call him when I get home because I was in the middle of my bike ride home. He obliges. Minutes after arriving I get another phone call: Erin: Hey Me:(heavy breathing from the bike ride) Yea? (I take a drink of my water) Erin: Do you know any strip clubs to go to? (Bottle of water hits the floor) Me: You do realize who you're talking to right? Erin: Yes, stupid now do you know of any? I sit there and think because I seriously don't know, and then I hear Charles(or who I would later discover was Charles) in the background commenting about the club they had passed on their way into Austin, Joy. Erin: So do you want to go? Me:(again)Do you know who you're talking to? Erin: Yes, stupid I will be at your house in an hour. Me: Ugh, ok fine. So thank god that before picking me up Erin informed Charles and Samuel of my sexual preference because that would have made the entire evening even more awkward than it was already becoming. So there we were in the parking lot and I was nervous, I mean like hand shaking-I-may-puke, kind of nervous but luckily Erin informed me that all drinks would be on him. "Where's the bar?", I ask. So we sat down at some table, with a good distance away from the pole dancers and there where topless women galore, and you know what? Straight men are stupid. I mean they seriously are, well I take that back straight men other than SD are stupid. Seriously there was money flying around that place like it was paper. The women were working the men so hard it was not even funny, Erin had a waitress at his beck and call but I honestly think that she was doing that because he was tipping her 20.00s each time she would bring us another drink. "Lap Dance? sure 200.00" "Private Dance? Sure 600.00" "Santi entertained with yet another misadventure: Priceless" So after walking out of there I reaffirmed one thing, I am absolutely 100%-without-a-shadow-of-a-doubt, Gay. Thank God.

Monday, August 29, 2005

They only want one thing.

"You see", I tell RoB a coworker friend of mine, "The problem with men in Austin is that they only want one thing, and I'm sure you know what it is. There are very few people here who actually want the stability of a relationship. Most of them like myself want the actual relationship, but none of the baggage that comes with it. Hence why I'm still single". This was this past Saturday, and we were having some cocktails at RoB's house. Like I said before I've been taking my notepad with me to get material to write about. Well Rob is a 29 year old who barely came out 3 years ago and is very green to the workings of a gay man, especially gay men in Austin. Unfortunately this is where I come in, RoB likes to ask me for advice about boys and such and I like to help him out as much as possible. I know the different types of guys that are out there in the city so it kind of comes easy to me. On top of all that RoB was in a long term relationship for awhile so this makes him more naive to how things work. I was outside smoking and he had just told me(in length) about a relationship or lack there of with a friend of his who we will call Phillip. You see RoB has been trying for the last two months to have a relationship with Phillip but he's only interested in one thing, and you know what it is. They have been out together on several occassions where Phillip has arrived at the club with RoB and left with one stranger or another. I kept calling Phillip a slut much to RoB's disapproval. So I won't do that again(or wait did I do it again?). I told RoB that he should give up on Phillip and be his friend, but ever since an incident that I'm not allowed to talk about occured Phillip has been acting oddly towards RoB, as in he wants more than a friendship now. This is very preculiar because RoB recently started dating someone new. I honestly think RoB should just be Phillip's friend and let him dig his own grave because he deserves it. Hopefully he will take my advice. On a much lighter note I have this friend named Ricky or Waterboy(a nickname Jaime and I gave him a long time ago). Well he and Ricky are fraternity brothers(they were both part of the same frat just different times) and they have hooked up a couple of times, the funny part was when they were about to hook up, Ricky reminds RoB of the frat's motto "A brother has to help a brother out". and boy did they.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Some people and their nerve.

Today I decided to finally fully unveil my new hair do(think a full head of copperhead hair, faux hawk style very cute...well I mean hello it's me). I was also wearing my Khaki cargo shorts, and light blue polo that I love oh-so much. I got on the bus and I sat next to this older lady and her older lady friend. They instantly begin gossiping. 'Is she talking about me? Do I have anything on my face? Am I naked?!?' , I ask myself but no that can't be the reason this lady is talking about me, she doesn't even know me. What she actually needs to do is look in the mirror and fix her face, that make up was so wrong. I've seen Drag queens with bad make up but no no this lady took the cake, and she continued to gossip about me(at this point I had turned my Pop en Espanol off because I was intrigued by what this woman could possibly be saying about me). 'Do you think he's a homosexual?' Older lady's friend ask 'He doesn't look like the type' Older lady says, at which point I so matter of factly gross my legs. I know that gays have stereotypes but most of my attributes do not fall into this category. This lady could kiss ass for all I cared, and then I paused. She had a shirt from Arkansas, and everything became so much clearer. Pfffft...closed minded people. I put my headphones back on and went about my business, and this point the lady gets up from sitting near me to sitting completely away from me. I didn't do anything to her, and she acted like this. Oh well I was having a good day and she wouldn't ruin it. I'm over it now, mostly likely because I hit the old lady in the face... I'm just kidding! Oh yea Homunculus In LA has pictures...I can't wait to go visit!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Yes, Snakes do it too.

I hadn't seen Jenny since I don't know when, but it's been awhile and that's all that matters. She and Rox came over on Monday to hang out and stuff, after boring moments at my house we decided to go over to her boyfriend's house to play some Mario Kart because there was seriously nothing better to do. Jenny informed me that she would be moving in with her boyfriend soon and we would be neighbors again(he lives an apartment complex away) and then Rox said that she was moving upstairs from Jenny(can anyone notice where this is all going to go in the next few months?...stay tuned, I'm sure it will get good). So there we were playing Mario Kart when all of a sudden... thump-de-dump. "Did you hear that?", Jenny asks staring towards the snake cage that her boyfriend owns. My eyes began to enlarge because I hate snakes. 'What if the snake breaks out of the cage?' I ask, but only to myself, Jenny would just laugh. 'What if the snake breaks out and attacks me.' My heart was racing, I happen to dislike snakes(even though I always tend to date them, but that's neither here nor there). So there Bertha was noticing us, noticing her. thump-de-dump. Her tail had perked up facing the top of the cage and she was still staring at me, probably thinking 'what mofo, do you want some of me? Do want to see what I do to the rats, poor little santi?' I was scared and at this point Rox had gotten up to see what the noise was that was coming from the cage. thump-de-dump. thump-de-dump. thump-de-dump. "You are not going to believe this", Rox said stepping away from the cage, followed by Jenny and I bursting into a fit of laughter. We couldn't believe what we had voluntarily listened due to our interest in the sound. Finally after the laughter had died down, Jenny says "That bitch just pooed" and we all fall into a fit of laughter yet again. She adds, "Now I have seen everything" In my head, I look at her(still laughing), and think to myself 'Oh have you now?'.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Meet and Greet.

Meet Brandon-Back when I was in high school one of my really good friends, Joe had this really hot-probably-gay cousin Brandon, who shortly after high school moved to Austin. I could really careless about it because he was/is a non-entity to me. Well around this time last year Joe(who was in Iraq at the time) emailed me and asked if I ever ran into Brandon. I said No. Later that day I went shopping with Ex #2 and I kept staring at this guy that I was convinced I knew. Of course it was Brandon and we had an odd conversation about Joe, et al. That boy makes me nervous for some reason and I can't really pin point it. Well yesterday being the lazy ass that I am, I ordered pizza for dinner instead of cooking, and guess who the delivery guy was? No I used to think he was cute, but not anymore I'm not one to fall for boys in uniform especially a Dominoe's Pizza uniform. On the upside of things, he did just get married and from I hear is going to UT to be a doctor. So I could probably forgive him for the uniform, but the wife would definately got to go. It would never work though, he's so passive(and I know this becuase of Joe). Meet Angela-Last year at Luis' "NewMoney Party", I along with Justin met one of Luis' high school friend's Angela and her not-so-straight-princess-power-bottom boyfriend Eric. At some point Eric either hit on Justin or made that part up, I'm going with the former because I know Justin, he doesn't just make things up. Fast Forward to two months later, we are at dinner at Trudy's for dinner and Justin is retelling the story about Eric to some of our friends and guess who walks in? And guess who was the one being a little to friendly to Justin? A few months later we are at our old stomping grounds, Boyz Cellar, dancing our asses off. At this point you can just replay the 'NewMoney' incident over again, only inside of the club. Cut to last night, after arriving for the party, I'm reintroduced to Angela, her response, "Is he that guy's friend?' yes I am that guy's friend, actually he's a great guy, and he's in New York now, p.s. your boyfriend is a huge HOMO. Ok. I didn't say that but I was thinking it. Angela is a nice girl, I will give her that and her boyfriend is now an ex. Does anyone want to tell me why they think the he's an ex now? Anyone? Meet Ivan-My sister-in-law's date for her high school prom stood her up. She lived in this small down near Corpus, so you can imagine the horror of being stood up on Prom Night, so she called in some back up, her good friend Ivan. Cut to 4 years later and I'm looking at my sister-in-laws prom picture that I have seen millions of times but never bothered to pay attention, I mean really pay atttention and what do I see? I see the guy that Ex #1 dated right before me, hand in hand with my sister-in-law at her prom. I was dumbfounded to say the least and I quickly shared the info about Ivan being a homo to my sister-in-law. Apparently she spread the word to her home town, Ivan hasn't been seen since. -Now the reason behind all of this is because last night Angela and I were talking about how crazy things happen around here all the time; She in fact just ran into a girl that she played softball with in high school who is now a lesbian and possibly becoming a man. Now the part about her being a lesbian doesn't really shock me, I mean she did play softball after all but the becoming the man part really would get to me. So I was sitting here thinking about the events that occurred last night and that moment came up. I seriously don't make this stuff up, I just live it.

Much ado about Something...I think.

And there I was ending my evening with Matt. Of course you have no idea who Matt is, because I've never mentioned him before, but I had to start my story some where right? So there we were in a cab on our way back from Rainbow Cattle Co. and I wanted to go home so desperately bad. Matt on the other hand probably thought I wanted to go home with him. Earlier that night Luis asked me if I thought Matt was attractive, I said no but I woulnd't pass the opportunity by. So there I was and after I took a quick glance at him, I thought 'ugh no never, i need to pee'. The evening had started about 5 hours before when Luis called me and informed me that it was Adrain's birthday and my presence was being requested for the celebration. I did not DID NOT want to go out but I had to digress because of course, it was Adrain after all. I arrived at the party, semi-fashionably late, wearing this new shirt I brought that reads 'Cocky' with a picture of yes you get it,a rooster. Not that I'm cocky, I just have this growing obsession with shirts that have an individual message to say. As soon as I walk in the door, I spot a guy I used to date post ex #1, Armand. I met Armand when he was 17 and I met him through Ex #1. He's a nice guy, very artistic and beautiful. By the way did I mention he was there with his boyfriend of a year now? I didn't feel so cocky after all. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why Adrain and Luis would invite him, I didn't think that they were that good of friends, but who knows these days. The guest list also included William,who used to be friends with Ex #2 and that's how he met Adrian and Luis. Connie was there as well, she's Luis' neighbor. Our conversation was pretty funny last night: Me: How was the valley(she'd been gone all summer). Connie: It was good, I became a lesbian. Me: (dropped jaw) OOOOOK. I was expecting to hear you got a tattoo or something but that's cool. So for the rest of the evening the excuse for anything she did was because she was a lesbian, it's cute but I say in about 2 years she's gonna be a hasbe-ian. She likes men to much. There were other guests there but I can't really remember their names, oh yea and there was Matt. So we had our fancy drinks(and not so tasty shots), and I decided that from this point forward I'm carrying a pen and notepad with me because my friends truly are the best material to write about. Well the evening went as any usual Sunday does and I grew bored and wanted to go home. I don't know if Matt just wanted to go home or if he wanted to go home with me. But none the less there were in the cab, on our way home and I figured I would have to cough of the cost of the entire cab ride. And I did, his type is like that...and he went home alone because my type is like that. Observations from last night: -I truly love Austin and the people in it. -'The Only Bush I trust is my own' Is a great book, Thank you Jaime. -I still hate being single. -I'm writing about my friend's more. -Expect more T-shirt conversation.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Chicago doesn't want me.

Due to unforseen circumstances I won't be moving to Chicago, which is a good thing because the decision didnt have to come from me, and that's always a good thing. So Austin is stuck with me for a little bit longer. And besides can you imagine skinny little me against the Windy City...

Monday, August 15, 2005

An Epiphany of sorts.

I went to RCC last night with Adrain and Luis, I hadn't been in awhile so it was nice for a little bit. I ran into Ex #3 and accidently called him fat... Me(after looking at his shirt): Ya know this shirt doesn't fit you. Ex #3: Are you calling me fat? Me: No, why? Ex#3 : I have to go. Me: Ok. Ex #3: And next time I go shopping I will find clothes that don't make me look fat. Me: Huh? Ok what I meant by the shirt not fitting him was that the shirt didn't go with his look, etc. Not that he was fat, I would never call anyone fat...well except RT, SD, Justin, Jenny, Jessica and about 100 other people but not Ex #3, no not me...never. Well while I was dancing my bum off I looked around at the same familiar faces that I have seen week after week and thought to myself 'Am I really ready for something, new and exciting or stay here and go visit Justin in New York in January under my own terms?' Not to mention my job, I've said it before I detest job #2 and I really don't want to return there because of this recent turn of events, with Job #1 I have excellent job and financial security and more importantly I have stability in my life. I really really want to go on this misadventure but at the same time I would be sacraficing alot to take this chance, and honestly that something I don't want to do. So tell me this, am I being selfish for not wanting to help my family out? Or am I retarded for not taking this opportunity for all that it's worth.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Misadventures in...Chicago?

So I promised to write about 'The History of Justin' this week but I will probably get around to that one next week. I have another story for you and trust me this one just fell on my lap as of yesterday. So my former Stepmother(Jo) is moving to Chicago coming this September and taking two of my younger siblings with her. On one note I was very upset about this because my family has always lived here and we are a very close family(though I like to pretend we aren't sometimes) and it will be hard for this transition to take place especially for my father. Now on the second note I'm kind of excited for one of my younger sisters because she's a mini-Donald Trump so this would actually help her experience more of what is out there in life. This is where I came in, Jo called me yesterday and proposed the idea of me moving with them to Chicago while she makes the transition from Austin to Chicago. This proposed agreement would require me to live with my two younger sisters while Jo is going back and forth trying to get everything set up. All I would have to do is take care of them and I could have the option to stay up there for an undetermined amount of time or return after the two months are over. So this is what I am thinking: Option 1: Take a leave of Absense from my job for the two months and then return back to my normal life with the experience under my belt. Option 2: Quit my job and stay up there and work until the end of January and return when my second job starts. Option 3: Take a huge leap and actually move up to Chicago for an undetermined amount of time. Option 4: Say No. So as of right now I'm going with options 1 and 2 and just have to wait to see what my job says. As for my apartment and such, I just signed a new lease so there is no getting out of that. Don't worry that one is going to be covered because as long as I'm up there making money for watching my two younger siblings I can just pay my rent from up there(since I will be living up there rent free). The only real bill I have to worry about is my electric bill but without me living there that should be fairly low. My cell phone will still be working, and of course there will be hundreds of misadventures in the Windy City. I was so close to actually deciding to move up there for an undetermined amount of time but then I started to look around at my apartment and everything I've accomplished in the last four years of living here and I can't bare to walk away from all of this and just start over. But when will another opportunity like this one come my way? So that's when I formulated options 1 and 2. I really do hope they work out because I could get my wish of being able to live in another city and also have my home base to return to. And who knows, maybe I will end up loving it and just never return. Ahhh life and the silly curveballs it throws at you sometimes. I'll keep you posted and I hope everyone voted for Kaysar to return to the Big Brother 6 house.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Hey, How's it going?

I know I know it's been awhile since I last wrote and I apologize but nothing really exciting has happened as of late. Well last weekend I met this girl named Tina for the first time, most(a very small few) have met he before and have warned me of how crazy this bitch is. I should have known better, but alas I was sick for 2 days because of her. Luckily, I won't be hanging out with her again...ever. Next Week...The History of Justin.