Guilt.

How many of us out there have a secret, something hidden, something we feel guilty about? Sit down ladies and gentlemen, no one can see you. In reality, we all have atleast one thing that we are guilty for, and no im not talking about the time you cut someone off on I-35 causing a 8 car pile up, because you should feel guilty about that, and yes you should feel guilty about the time you backed into 8 different cars on fraternity row in west campus and no one found out, but that one can be under rug swept. Now there are things, or choices that we as humans make and have made that we should feel no guilt for. "Guilt, is such a useless emotion", Jaime said to me last night after long phone call about well, guilt. You can blame him for the above and below. Now we as humans should not be ashamed of anything we have done, any choice we have made because in the end it is our own. We my friends are merely beasts, animals, and lastly... Merely Human. I've started thinking that guilt stops me from proclaiming, "yea bitches this is me!!", and feeling no shame. I mean I still do this, but not in such a extravagent way. Well last night Jaime and I were talking about this man I met nearly 4 years ago. Pre-ex #1, Pre-ex #2, Pre-mostly everything that I have been through here in Austin. Now let me tell you Tom, is a man amongst men(Quote, Bobby Jon-Survivor, come one you didn't think I wouldn't throw atleast one reality tv reference in here did you?). Tom has the entire package, a nice house, a bad ass job oh and EVERYTHING ELSE. This is someone I could go downtown with on anytime I want and sit and stare at the Frost Building for hours, We could go sit at the Starbucks on 6th and Congress(one of my favoriate downtown spots), and Zilker Park would be only a bike ride away. This would all be so incredibly nice but there is one teeny tiny problem, a thing that I like to call The Age Factor. Now those of you that know me, and those of you that know me will all agree that I usually date guys around or near my age. Well Tom is above the usual age group and that seems to be the biggest thing that stops me from presuing anything with him. I mean I've seen this man off and on for the last four years, and I barely told my bestfriend about him, and well now I'm telling ya'll. I think one of my biggest problems with dating guys my age is that I always tend to get the short end of the stick with them, well maybe just maybe this could all change. If only I could get rid of one thing... Guilt. Guilt of what my friends would think, Guilt of what my family would think. I mean come on, I'm not guilty or ashamed that I can proudly proclaim "I am a homosexual!", and with that I think that I shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed of anything, especially a decision to date an older man. And yet I am and I don't know why. Well just so you know I don't have the answer just yet, but trust me it's coming soon.