Editor’s Note: This blog is going to be a little bit different from what I normally post; instead of creating an individual post for each story I’m going to combine them all into one. Each part is different so read them all or just one, hopefully you’ll laugh and cry and maybe pee yourself a little.
“The great wall of Duval”
Me: Hey are those Pina Coladas ready yet?
Jaime: Yes, but you’re getting the small glasses, no fancy ones.
Me: Why do I have to be all white trash?
Jaime: Well honey I serve them like I see em.
Me: Bitch.
This was this past Friday at Ric and Jaime’s fort also known as, ‘The great wall of Duval”. This house is freaking sweet. It’s the only house on Duval constructed like a fort, so you can sit outside and do whatever (wink, wink Jaime) without anyone seeing what your doing. The huge metal sliding doors make the place look every more like a compound. The house is nice to except for the fact that the foundation is shifting the floor around (which isn’t a good thing after you’ve been drinking).
Unfortunately, I had lost my wit mojo on Friday and Jaime, RT and SD came at me with full force. I got insult after insult after insult. By the time RT and SD left I felt like a small child beaten to a pulp by some friends. But it’s ok I will have a full artillery for them the next time I seem them.
“Some people just don’t get it.”
So after a somber and relaxing with my siblings on Saturday I literally got out of my younger brother’s car and got into Luis’ for a night out on the town. I know my brothers were scratching their heads at what had just occurred because lord knows I was. Adrain, Will and Tricia (Luis’ best friend) were also in the car and I figured that this was going to be a full filled night with the guys.
Wrong.
While we were waiting in line (the front of the line mind you) at Fabric when out of now where
Sal pops up. I give him a hug and a hi with hopes that he would continue on his way. Did he continue on his way? Nope, he decided to leech himself onto me and my friends. I tried everything possible to get him to leave me alone but nothing was working. I even enlisted the help of Luis and William but that didn’t work either. Luckily, Sal the idiot gave me an opportunity I couldn’t pass by.
I’m at the bar ordering a drink for Tricia and myself when he taps me on my shoulder and ask, “Can you buy me a Lonestar”? First of all the idiot wanted a Lonestar, a ####### Lonestar. How unattractive is that? And Second of all he had the nerve to ask me to buy him a drink. I mean maybe because I didn’t have a sign on my forehead that said “Go away” he didn’t get the point. So the bartender takes my order, “A vodka sour and a Bud Light” I say. He hands me my drinks and I had Tricia hers and continue on my way leaving Sal looking like the fool that he is. That ladies and gentlemen is how you get rid of someone in two easy steps.
Ten minutes later I saw him mooching a drink off of someone else. Some people and their nerve I swear. I really wanted to play RT’s game of “Buy me a drink of I’ll stab you in the eye” but Luis stopped me just in time.
“This is a category 5”
William, Jenny, Bob and myself had done some serious bar hopping on Sunday and on Monday my legs were hurting from all the constant walking(and the fact that I may have fallen down at some point, Ya never know) Well I had ordered a Hurricane at Oilcan Harry’s. Now those of you don’t know what a Hurricane is, it’s a drink with 4 different liquors all rum, I believe. Ironically, the drink originated in New Orleans. Please forgive me for the following:
Me: Bob, can you take the rest of this drink it’s way to ####### strong.
Bob: (obviously drunk) Yes, (takes a huge swig of the drink and begins to cough)
Guys I think this is a category 5
Was the joke wrong? Yes.
Was it funny? Yes.
Should I written about it? Probably no but oh well.
Later that night we all headed over to Rox’s where I met three of her friends from back home. Well Aileen, Carter and Carl were all actually from New Orleans and they were staying with Rox because of all the damage that has happened. It’s one thing to hear about stories from the various news sources, it’s even harder hearing personally accounts of what has happened. What’s even harder is seeing a human being in person going through this drama. I felt bad for them, I wanted to hand over my wallet and be like “just take it” but of course I didn’t. At some point Carl started this freestyle wrap(note this is what I was able to scribble down).
The water washed away my home but it can’t take away my soul
As I was writing this down, Carl goes “what dat u got der?”
Me: Oh I write, do you mind?
Carl: Nah dat’s cool.
They actually turned out to be really nice guys and I couldn’t help but pick a little of the accent up.
This was a good weekend, work starts tomorrow and I’m not really looking forward to it.
