Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Nothing new, So go read something else..

No new misadventures after the insanity that was this weekend. So dear Constant Reader, here's some insight to what's going on in the world and other people's blogs. Enjoy! Marcellas is discussing a debate over 'Brokeback Moutain': BROKEBACK VS. CRASH PT. 2 So the controversy continues. There are 2 camps: the pro-BBM* camp that say it was robbed and the Crash camp that says, "Sorry superior movie, thanks for the trophy." There are a few others, real people who have lives, who don't give a crap what movie wins Best Picture @ the Oscars because they have lives and families to feed and...well you get the idea. Now I liked BBM. I thought it was pretty okay. I had some basic problems with it: Heath's mumbling, Jake's quirky, uneven performance, it being set in the 60's through 80's. But this movie has become so much more than a movie. What I love most about BBM is that it became an event. I love movies. The whole process. I love to know who was up for what part and who turned down which role. Like did you know that originally Sean Connery and Cathy Moriarty were up for Pretty Woman? Totally different movie. Or that Gwyneth passed on Titanic? Kate should send her roses everyday for the rest of her life. Or that The Bodyguard was originally a vehicle for Diana Ross? I love that BBM has spawned so many parodies. I love that it's jumped the shark and it's become part of the larger public consciousness. Click Here to read more! Dan Renzi is talking about a Random Trick, he calls 'Austin Guy': Mom, Do Not Read This. I'm going to write this story in installments, over several days. It's too long to do all at once, and Queerty is wearing me out anyway. But it's a good story. So play along. ~~ There is this phone number I have saved under the name "Austin Guy." The guy it belongs to, I've known for several months; but I could never remember his name, and at this point it's been too long to ask him again. I tried calling his phone to hear voice mail, but all he says is "Hey, it's me, leave a message" or something inocuous of the sort. So his identity remains a mystery. It doesn't matter. I do know he's a student, because sometimes he has to run off to class. And I know he drives a black truck, which he parks in my driveway. Ring, ring goes the phone. "Austin Guy" on the ID. Click Here to read more! The Surreal Life 6 premiered this past Sunday. Scott Long from BB5 didn't make the cut, neither did Ace from The Real World: Paris. A recap of day one of South by Southwest: And so it begins… South By Southwest 2006, the 20th year of musical madness in Austin, Texas, the self-proclaimed "music capital of the USA!" Eight billion bands play in any available nook and cranny, some already massively popular, some hoping to catch the ears of radio programmers, media, and honest-to-goodness music fans. (And sometimes all three.) The A.V. Club ventured down south to join in the delicious melee. We humbly offer this minute-by-minute report. Click here to read more! Check out the new Shakira video, "The Hips Don't Lie", it's hot as hell...I think I'm straight(not). Well Happy Hump Day!

Monday, March 20, 2006

SxSw, Insanity: Part 3

Sarah Jessica, is that you? The next day; JaP, Ex #2 and I spent the majority of saturday on 6th street and the warehouse district. I got to see Rosanne Cash(Johnny Cash's daughter) play and she was absolutely amazing, there were also random bands but the night didn't get exciting until I took JaP to meet Luis, Queen of all that is stylish and fashionable. They immediately hit it off and we invited Luis to come out with us and JaP's cousin who lived here(him and I have randomly run into each other over the years and tonight wasn't going to be any different). So we went Red Fez to meet Chase because one of friend's were playing but she never showed up(Chase that is). JaP had already talked to his cousin who was at another concert and we planned on meeting him later that night. Since it was so hard to get into any bar downtown, I was like "Guys let's just go to Chuggin' Monkey, I'm sure it won't be crowded". So we walk all the way from the Warehouse District to 6th street. When we get to Chuggin' Monkey and there was this group of girls in front of the club and I couldn't tell if they were in line, so I asked the last girl "Excuse me are ya'll in line?" and she screams, "JaP!" I started freaking out because I have never seen this girl and there she was screaming at my friend. I come to find out that this girl was the wife of JaP's cousin. Luis and I immediately fell in love with her. While we were in the club I take JaP aside and say, "You know how we just randomly ran into Emerald(his cousin's wife)?" and he says, "Ya" so I say, "this shit happens to me all the time". He fell more in love with this city. Just as I say this Luis grabs me and goes, "Santi who does Jewel remind you of?". I scan her up and down and immediately recognize her Minolos, and it hits me. Carrie Bradshaw or her alter-ego Sarah Jessica Parker. After awhile of staring Luis and I finally tell Emerald who we think she looks like and she screams yet again because Sarah Jessica his like her idol(yes she did say 'like my idol!'). So there we were at Chuggin Monkey and Luis, JaP and I had planned to go to Fabric later but we couldn't figure out how to get his cousin and their posse to go. Luckily that was resolved when Bran(JaP's cousin) was like, 'Have u ever been to Fabric'? Luis and I laugh and are like, "Now that you mention it, we were planing on going." So at Fabric were we ran into Adrian and Ex#2 and lost Luis(every since the divorce, Luis can't see Adrain out because it becomes drama) The night was just about over...

SxSw, Insanity: Part 4

Never be mean to a Hobbit. After Fabric, I decided that I wanted to keep taking JaP to only Austin based restraunts so he could get a nice feel of the place and since Magnolia's never closes. I thought it would be a nice ending to our evening, his cousin and the rest of the posse gladly agreed. So we get there and I head for the bathroom and this guy is at the rear door and he goes, "Wanna eat outside?". I look at the line(which was long as hell) and say "Yea I have a party of 6,", He says "get the party". I immediately grab the posse and JaP goes "How did you do that?" and I said "That's how I roll". After we ate, we all headed out to our car and who walks in the door but Mr. Frotto Baggins himself! Apparently, he(Elijah Wood) that is a huge fan of SxSw and he loves going to Magnolia to eat. I am immediately star struck and go, "What the fuck?!?" He looks and me puzzled and goes "What the fuck?!?!" We both laugh and I ask him if I can take his picture, he agrees but the lighting on my camera phone is so jacked up that the picture wouldn't take right. So right when I get the right shot he makes the ugliest face, and I go...well actually I kinda yell, "Elijah don't make that face!" So the end result ended up being a not so good picture that I will post later. I didn't mean to be rude, really I didn't but it just happened and JaP ended up having a great weekend and says he can't wait to come back. And that was SxSw, one of the best!

SxSw, Insanity: Part 2

A date with Drew. "Hey I'll be there in less than an hour", It's JaP my high school bestfriend who had recently returned home from Iraq, and I have been trying for ages to get him to come visit me in Austin. So when he finally told me that he wanted to come I told him one of the best times would be during SxSw because things around here get nuts, luckily he agreed and he I would be able to see him in an hour. I immediately called Ex #2 because he is excellent at making sure that out of towners have a good time when they come to Austin and he knew alot of good bands that would be playing. So when JaP got here we went to Ex #2 and Adrian was there and we had a few pre-downtown drinks and then we were off to meet Linda at Beauty. Downtown was overly packed, it was amazing and JaP was instantly amazed, at one point he tells me "We haven't even done anything yet and this shit is crazy!" I looked at him and say, "Yea this is nothing" While we were in line waiting to get into Beauty, Ex # 2 and Adrain shared their story of meeting Drew Barrymore in New York City(they had just returned the day before). Apparently they were at some club and Drew was just there as a regular person. Ex # 2 said that he "accidently" bumped into and they ended up spending the rest of the night with her. I have to admit, I was a bit jealous but I'll have my own misadventures in New York City soon. After waiting in line for what seemed like forever, I grew annoyed and decided that we all should go to the Light Bar on Congress and then Rain. I wasn't sure if JaP would mind going to a gay club but to my surprise he agreed and we ended up going to Rain and having a grand ol' time.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

SxSw, Insanity: Part 1

He's such a Dick. I'm at the Animal House, it's cold outside(because this is Texas) and my friend Amanda stops by after her recent trip to Las Vegas. She's in Marketing, or Engineering, or Prostitution(I don't really pay attention.) Anywho, she was telling us about her recent trip to Vegas, so she begins: "We get there about 20 mins late cause you know me girl, I have to make sure I look GOOD!. And those mofos at Southwest over booked the flight due to Spring Break and I had to board a new flight at 3:30. What the fuck am I going to do for 3 hours?" I'm baffled so I say nothing. "So finally after smoking like 8 packs of cigarettes we board our plane and guess who was there?", she responds. I scream out, "Ben Affleck? Dan Renzi? Coral? Andy Roddick? Lance?!" She smiles and responds with, "Andy Dick". I was like "Ooooooooh Gurl". Cause fo real though we ALL know he is scandalous! "And this bitch was drunk!!!" She says, I wanted to hear more. "He was in Austin for SxSw, and at first he was all stumbling and trying to get his shit into the luggage into the carry-on bin. I was laughing my ass off!! Because it was so obvious he was drunk. So since he was sitting a seat away from me, I naturally started a conversation with him and I could have sworn I saw him take a pill!" "What kind I ask?", I ask. "That's besides the point, anyways." she continues, "So at first he was funny and shit but once he crossed-over people were getting a little annoyed and gurl you should have seen this bitch, he was stumbling all over the plane, like a dumb ass! I could not stop laughing, he made that pain, in the ass 3 hour delay worth it!" I look at her and laugh and say "Girl, he is so going into my Delebrities list"!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The Queers Have Eyes.

"Woman! You are going with me tonight whether you like it or not!", It's RT. He's trying to convince me to go with him for another fun evening at the Animal House. I wasn't feeling to well and his convincing tactics weren't exactly working. "I swear to god, If I have to climb three flights of stairs, pull you by your hair and stuff Jack in the Box down you mouth, I will. You know I'm crazy like that!" I paused, Jack in the Box did sound good at that moment and I was hungry. But still I wasn't feeling well though, and I knew what the Animal House had to offer. "Ok", I respond because I am always one to comprimise (*giggles, cause that so ain't true), and I respond with "I'll go with you under one condition: You have to take me to the movies, I'm dying to get out of the house"(This was true I'd been there all day fighting a cold or allergies or the Bird Flu, I really don't know these days) . He pauses. And you know I should have taken that as sign of bad things to come. "Let's go see the Hills have Eyes." I pause. I mean for real, I wanted to go see a movie. Like 'Date Movie', which would make me laugh, or' Madea's Family Reunion' that would make me pee on myself, or maybe Brokeback Mountain for the 30th time. But no he wanted to go see a scary movie, and a really gory scary movie at that. There was this one part where this monster looking thingy had three fingers and it grossed me out. I've been having nightmares about it for days. Two wasted hours later, there we were on our way to the Animal House. The next day, I got a call from Luis, "Rome made some enchiladas, come eat them with us before we go out." I didn't know that I had agreed to go out but I did want to see Rome so I guess what's the harm in going right? I get there and William is already there in middle of Luis' room trying clothes on. Ya know William is very butch for a gay man but sometimes he really queens out. It's cute. I think that he is secretly a bottom, a really big bottom. a B.O.B if you will. So as he is getting ready I ask him about the current guy he was dating, who we had dubbed '3'. "So how are things going with 3?" I ask. He looks at me with this grotesque look on his face and I begin to wonder if I had said something wrong. I can hear Luis giggle from the bathroom so I knew this had to be good. "You know that movie, 'The Hills have Eyes'? He asks me. Damn it, just when I was getting the images out of my head he has to remind me of the nightmares I had the night before. "Yea," I respond without really wanting to know where this story was going. "Ok so 3 and I went to go see it on Friday at the Draft house and I made the mistake of letting him drive." He continued, my interest was once again turned on as he finish, "Well we get into his car and he goes to put the car in gear and I notice his three fingers. For the first time since we started dating I was completely appalled that he had three fingers." I kind of laugh and ask, "So what did you do?" He looks at me with that bitch look he has and says, "I broke up with him." I pause and began to think, would I do the same thing? Would I allow a film to influence the way I think about a person? After seeing that movie and having the crap scared out of me, hell yea I would. Shallow or not, I would still do it. The night Rainbow went the same as always except Rome never showed up and that kind of made me sad but that's really his loss not mine. My stalker was also there but that's a whole other story that I would not get into.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I am Austin.

So took this retarded , "What city are you?" test on myspace and guess what?
You Are Austin
A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

It's Brokeback, Bitches!

So tonight Tracy, Bren and I went to go see Brokeback Mountain. I know you're probably asking yourself, "fool, you've seen this twice already why do it to yourself again?" but for real though, I wish I knew how to quit this film. I was so surprised (and I kept pointing this out to Tracy), that the majority of the audience was heterosexual couples(mostly in their 30-40's). This made me happy and I was enjoying the film when in comes this family of four( a son whose like 10 and a newborn). The newborn would not shut the fuck up and I was like, "Woman, I am trying to see man on man sex so you better take that child somewhere else!", sadly she didn't. Well we get to the infamous tent scene where the man on man sex is about to occur and the 10 year old covers his eyes(actually his father said, "cover your eyes son because this might make you gay", ok not really but still). And then when the scene where Jack and Ennie are about to do it again, the father had enough. He told his wife, "Let's!" So they picked up all their shit and left. I looked at Tracy was like, "Do they not own a T.V?" Seriously, who doesn't know about Bareback Mountain?....errr Brokeback.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

An infamous Misadventure.

Last night my friend Catherine invited me to Fabric because one of her friends had rented the place out for Happy Hour, being that it was Fat Tuesday I couldn't turn the offer down, plus the drinks were free. What Cat failed to tell me was that this was a networking party for gay realitors(yes, when I heard 'gay realitors' I was like is that like a gay leprachaun? I mean they do really exist?). So as soon as I walk into the door this hobbit looking fellow is like "Hi, Im "Im sure you won't remember my name later" what business are you in?" I look at him puzzled(I still didn't know it was a gay realitor networking free happy hour party, say that three times fast), and respond with "the insurance business"? Then he looks at me puzzled. Yea dude I didn't get the memo that this was a networking party, my bad now back off! And he did. I immediately found Cat and was like "Girl, you need to warn me about these things next time"! She laughed and was like, "just stick with me". So I did and I got to hear about equity, loan percantages and this discombulation of the Saki tribe in Southern Africa. Ok the last part I made up but still, you get the point. Afterwards: Cat, her fiance Mike and I went to go have dinner at McCormick and Schidmt's in my favoriate place in this whole freaking city! Yes! You guessed it! We ate at the bottom of Lady Frost! Dinner was absolutely fabulous, Cat and Mike are such great people and I do need to hang out with them more often. Over the course of dinner, we decided that we wanted to go to 6th street to see some boobies(once a year I get the urge to see boobs, go figure right). Knowing that my brother would be down there I called him up because he knows everyone and their mom on sixth, drink specials here we come! So he informed me that he was at Exodus which is like the most ghetto-ist bar down on 6th, but I wanted Cat to meet my brother and there was drink specials, I mean come on! So we meet up with my brother and his main squeeze Shelly and have a few drinks and then head over to Blind Pig to get on the roof and see some boobs. ************************************************************************************ Across town in the Warehouse district; another party was going on. Chase was having a few pitchers of beer with her friends and the ex, Ron. I don't happen to like Ron but he is persistant on getting back with my roomate so what can I do, right? Ron had some friends with him. Eric, and cool looking grunge dude. Dan, and recently jobless nice guy and Alfonz, a possibly homosexual-yes-he's-dabbled in homosexualty-kinda guy. They had a nice little party going on at the outside of 219 West(located on 4th and Lavaca). So midway through our drinks on sixth and my freaking out that the S.W.A.T team was going to kill us on. I texted Chase and was like, "Im En route with a huge posse". So we get down there and push the tables together and then the light bulb goes off in my head, "Tony, J-Boo's roomate works here! Woo hoo!". So I go to the bar and order a pitcher and he just hands it to me and walks off, I mean no charge what's so ever! Don't worry I did tip him. Topics of conversation ranged from boob jobs(one of Chase's co-workers felt Shelly up...odd), to blowjobs to hand jobs, then we were flashed several times(someone tell these girls we are in the Warehouse district). Then they kicked us out of 219 because they close at 12(how shitty is that?). So we all decided to head over to Rain (which was right next door). This is where I believe the insanity started. At some point I was making out with one of Chase's co-workers and then I turned to Ron(the ex, remember) and say "make out with me." And I kid you not, he made out with me. After he pulled away I was like, "No I want tongue". and I kid you not, he gave me tongue. It lasted all of thirty seconds, but I kept the trend of hitting on straight guys alive. Don't think that's something I'm proud of because trust me it's not.

************************************************************************************ In fact I ran into alot of people at Rain; Ex #3 was there but he didn't talk to me(I guess he hasn't go over the fact that I said his shirt didn't fit him and he took it as me calling him fat. But for real he is getting FAT),

I also ran into Jay who oddly enough impressed me with that fact that he has kept up with me over the last two years. I do wish I could date him again, but we are both in two completely different places in our lives so it wouldn't work. After the club, Chase and her co-workers, Ron and his friends and I all headed over to Eric's for Afterhours(that lasted about 45 mins) and the night was over.

I did learn that Alfonz was bi, so that was kinda funny.(and sad) And that was my Fat Tuesday. The End.

Dedicated to Jaime and Tracy, who say I don't write often enough.