Pride and Prejudice

I want to preface this entry by saying that you can't tell a writer to not write about something. That's like asking them not to breathe, talk or even think. With that said... Prejudice: A. An adverse judgment or opinion formed beforehand or without knowledge or examination of the facts. B. A preconceived preference or idea. Almost immediately after leaving work I spoke to Lizette and Lynn who were at the Pride Parade yesterday and then I spoke to Tom who gave me his run down of plans for the evening. I did want to see him because I wanted to know where this new found interest was coming from. I got ready as soon as possible and headed downtown to meet the girls and possibly later meet with Tom. The block party was okay for what it was, I’m hoping that next year they improve on the idea and make it a whole lot better than it was. I ran into Jonni, Sonny, and Johnathon while we were down there and it was a prelude of where the night was going to take me. After awhile of being bored with the block party the girls and I went to Rainbow to see what they had to offer, on our way there we ran into William and Luis, they were on their way to Red Fez, and we told them that we would probably meet up with them later. Rainbow was a completely different atmosphere than what I’m used to seeing on Sundays, but hell I was at the will of the wind last night. Tom arrived shortly after and at first I thought that this was going to be a good night, key word here ladies and gentlemen is thought. The girls decided to leave and I decided to stay with Tom, and we shortly left to go outside and talk about my current interest. Well I’m not going to write about the exact conversation because that is something that should and needs to stay between two people. Let’s just say I got myself into a situation that’s far more than I bargained for. There is some insecurity in people that I may never understand, and I’m sure there are a lot of insecurities in myself that others may not understand either, but last night on the corner of 5th and Lavaca, I was not prepared in the least for what I was told. To side track the conversation the fact of my smoking came up, and now I was already on the defensive so it got even worse. I walked way before things could get any worse and found myself without my friends in Oilcan’s, completely lost and pissed. Enter Johnathon to the rescue, followed by Justin and his boyfriend Yang. I was sober up until the point that Justin showed up because shortly after that I ran into Tom yet again, but this time I played the bitch card that I can play so well and ignored him. I saw more than I wanted to shortly after. Hell I even allowed myself to briefly go to the dark side for a brief moment. Enter Sonny finally coming to my rescue and taking me home. Now don’t even think that it’s like that, Sonny and I have been good friends forever now and that possibility is like me waking up one day and liking women again. Then today a call from Tom came in around 1, he wanted to know about us hanging out today and I told him the answer was quite obvious from last night, for those of you not on the up and up that answer would have been. NO, Nope, I don’t think so, are you serious? But a conversation continued and I came to realize, if I can’t deal with someone else’s issues, someone who I want to be in a relationship with, what the hell am I doing thinking that this could work? Maybe I should try to rework some thinking on that before I continue but for now all I can say is, I don’t know.