StUcK in A RuT

Do you ever get that feeling when so much is going on in your life, yet your not actually moving forward? I've had that feeling lately, I don't know what it is exactly. Maybe it's just that I'm so sick of job # 2 that it's gotten to the point of intolerability(is that a word?). I loathe that place, and each time I go in there, I swear to myself that I'm going to walk into my managers office and announce that I have quit, done, fineto. ...and each night I leave, regretting the fact that I didn't have the balls to walk away from that place. It kind of reminds me of my relationship with ex #1, with each fight, each lie, each manipulation; I'd swear I was done with it and I was going to walk away, and then I'd come back with tail between my legs, begging for more. I want something new and exciting to happen in my life. It's as if I'm waiting for that starting point where I can feel like I'm really truly honestly living and not going by a monotonous day by day pattern. There are a few sparks here and there that have happened since the new year began which you have read about but to me that still isn't enough. I need motivation, to step it up a notch. I need motivation, to believe in myself. I need motivation, to shed this skin I need motivation, to finally start living life to it's full potential. I've signed up with Third Coast Casting to do some extra work, amongst other things. We'll see. No word from BB, so it doesn't look like I'm going to be living in a camera filled two story house this summer. I have summer school coming up, which should be a good release for this unused energy. ...There will be more random thoughts coming today...