Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Oh that thing we call friendship.

Let's go ahead and start off with this. Did ya read it? Because if you didn't then this entire blog won't make any kind of sense. First, of all Snippy. I am sorry for forgetting about tonight. I really should have known but I've been so bogged down with work it's ridiculous. I mean RIDICULOUS. And on top of that I've have several things to deal with this week. First and foremost today is the 1 year annivesary of my depression starting last year. I never talked about it on here because I never felt the need to. I've gone to therapy and worked the issues out. Granted that some people think that I still need therapy but I will get to that issue in a second. So yea I'm in a good headspace right now but it's just still a constant up hill battle of letting myself know that I can accomplish and do what I know I can. I know that I won't be so negative on myself and actually do something about the depression. Now about the friendships. Let's address ChillTown first. So Will and Boogie are apart of ChillTown and also a part of a bigger group of friends. Lately, there has been a huge dissension in the ranks of these friendships and honestly it's become way to stressful for me. I mean friendships are not supposed to be stressful or involve a whole shit load of baby drama. Because honestly guys that's what it is constant baby drama, fast-forward, rewind and repeat. The only thing is that no one really addresses the issues at the appropriate time. People(myself included) decide to bring the issues up when we are in a more comfortable state and our minds our at ease. This only leads to more baby drama, rinse and repeat. This past weekend I had enough of it. I realized that I am 24 years old and have a whole life ahead of me. There is no need for this drama. Janelle and Erika fully realize this but Boogie and most importantly Will choose to ignore it. Sorry Will but what I said this weekend I fully meant and playing the game of 'I don't remember' won't work with me this time. You've chosen how you would like things to be. You told me, "Unlike you I have no life" and I responded with, "It's not that you don't have a life. It's the way you choose to live it." With that said, I'm done with that friendship for now. Now onto the bestfriend drama. Where to start? I guess you could say we've had this on again off again relationship. And you know what? I will say that I've been very understanding in this friendship because if I really didn't truly care about him, I wouldn't have 1)Let him stay at my house on my birthday because he had a fight with his boyfriend. EVEN THOUGH HE DIDN'T TALK TO ME FOR MONTHS before that. Or the fact that 2) I forgot about two months when I thought he was dead because he decided to ignore everyone because him and his man had huge falling out. I'm a good friend right? I mean he can say the same thing about him being a good friend to me. Which is 150% true. But herein lies the problem: During the second BOTG. He has a huge problem with Ex#2. A huge problem with issues that I have since been over with. Explain to me why, after repeated requests he decides to still bash Ex#2 when he isn't around...in front of Ex#2's bestfriend? Please constant reader explain to me why someone would do that? Then this past friday came around and so did Happy Hour. He asked me what I was doing on Saturday and I told him that I was hanging with J-Boo since it was her birthday. Now you must understand that J-Boo's friends from back home aren't exactly the most homo friendliest group. And you must understand that the bestfriend invited himself before I could even ask J-Boo. Now this isn't the kind of A-list event that Will decided to make it out to be, but I still needed to check with J-Boo because I did, DID NOT want a repeat of How I dropped the New Year's Ball. Now the bestfriend isn't good with groups, which is clearly shown during the BOTG incident so I had to be sure to ask J-Boo first. Then the phone calls started and in the last one it went like this: Me: I haven't talked to J-Boo yet. BF: Maybe she doesn't want you to go. Me: Doubtful, I may have a problem getting you to go. BF: That's fucked up I'll stay home. Then the text messages started: That's fucked up. What? You didn't even let me finish. J-Boo said it was ok, just toned it down. FU and call me when you're back in Therapy.

That was a fucking low blow especially in a fucking text message. I tried not be evil but after awhile I was just pissed. So I wrote back:

Unlike you, I don't need therapy because I know who I am.

And that ended a friendship because I tried to call. I tried to fix things because maybe what I said in the first call came out wrong but no now I'm instantly the bad guy.

This entire week I've been questioning the fact that I'm either a really bad friend or a really forgiving person. I am by no means a saint but I think I'm a pretty damn good friend. I honestly think that what I need to do is started weeding out the bad/negative friendships and concentrate on the positive in my life. Thanks you Snippy because whether you realize it or not, you brought me slightly out of the funk that I was in early today and this week.

And THANK YOU LORD BABY JESUS for finally allowing me to write about what I've been trying to all week.

Tonight: Bobby Bones and The Children's Charity Event sponsored by The Young Execs

Next Week: Kickball, baby!

Three weeks from Now: ACL

7 Comments:

Anonymous CK said...

Well, I think that you are fabulous.

8/30/2006 01:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Snippy said...

Santi. . . I love you. :)

8/30/2006 02:56:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Janelle thinks you're a great friend!! Even though you make me feel inadequate in 4-Z's....

8/30/2006 07:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love you baby doll!!! You truly are one of the dearset, and most sincere friends I've ever had!!!!

"All things will be revealed in due time"........

Erika

8/30/2006 08:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Roadbicyclist said...

Santitoooo, you're a really cool and nice friend. And really, does it matter what other's say or think about you? I think not (I that does is actually jealous of what you have).

A friend is one that accepts how one is, what one does (or not), and goes on in life being happy that we have the friendship.

:)

8/31/2006 08:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/31/2006 10:39:00 AM  
Blogger homunculus said...

oh and jenny, if you do read this, i still have your birthday gift. happy birthday and congrats on everything.

8/31/2006 11:03:00 AM  

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