Summer of Reality Television Saturation.
Television has developed a disease this summer, a disease I like to call SURS, there is entirely way to much reality television on tv right now. So much in fact that I am actually going to waste some time to compile a list of the current reality programing, for you ladies and gentlemen:
Stripsearch-Ok I will admit I've seen this show a couple of times, I mean come on look at the title!
Kept-Gerri Halliwell decides to form a new version of the Spice Girls, called the Spice Boyz(yes with a 'Z'). These boys will have to go through several tests before she picks her....wait wtf am I talking about. This train wreck is actually about Jerri Mathey from Survivor, finding her hit men to off Colby and Tina because she still hasn't gotten over the fact that they booted her. I wish! This is actually a show about Jerri Halliwell, think the Bachelor but ten times as boring.
Hogan Knows Best-Well the Hulk has a family now and his daughter wants to be a pop star, and I think I saw this show about 3 years ago when it was called 'The Osbournes' and it was actually funny. Hogan apparently doesn't know best because he agreed to this train wreck.
Dancing with Stars-Because apparently the title 'I really wish I could shoot one of these stars' wasn't PC enough, pffft...whatever...Anyone remember the horrid Big Brother rip off 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here!'? Well this one is is worst, the celebrities actually dance...badly.
The Cut-I think this show is kind of like the Apprentice but instead fashion mogul(says who?) Tommy Hilfiger is looking for a new designer for his 'hood' wear. Note to CBS: Quit hiring former TV Programmers who were fired by FOX.
I want to be a Hilton-Hey there NBC, how ya doin? That's good to hear. Look I have a question for you. Is there any possible way you could make a Hilton? I desperately want to be rich and fabulous and have my ass shown all over the internet with a video taken with(out) my knowledge. Anything you could do would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
Rock Star: InXs-The former rock group is looking for a new singer, I'm still looking for the hour I lost watching this flith. You can't really go wrong with Mark Burnett as a producer, you really can't. Ok well you can. I'll forgive you for this one Mark, but you have to do me a HUGE favor. Please bring back 'The Contender' if only to let me see Sergio Mora just one more time.
Average Joe: The Joe's Strike Back- Who comes up with these titles? I mean seriously. This is like the worst title ever, because I don't even see the Joes striking back with phasers and light sabers or anything of that sort. I swear if the title for this show next summer is "Average Joe: The Joe Wars" or "Average Joe: Revenge of the Joes" or "Average Joe: The Next Generation" or "Average Joe: Deep Space Joes", I just may hurt someone. Note to NBC: You should have just aired 'The Apprentice: The Revenge of Martha" I'm sure that would have been a ratings blockbuster.
The Real Giligan's Island- This is nothing like Gilligan's Island, not a single thing. Ok well I'm lying the castmates or 'castaways' all dress up like the former cast. Honestly this show should have been called, 'The Real Survivor Rip Off'. Hell the host even acts, looks and talks like Jeff Probst.
The Surreal Life-Please don't make me repeat myself, just look at the post below,
Blow-Up- There's this guy and he owns a salon and the show is really boring and I can't believe I'm actually wasting words on this pathetic piece of crap. the end.
The Real World: Austin- This is the altered story of 7 strangers who came to Austin,one of them got beat up on their second night and apparently they only leave the house to go to bars and clubs and act a fool. My city looks great on television, the cast on the other hand is a completely different question.
Big Brother- I'm not going to bash one of my favoriate reality shows, I promise. But really don't you think the 'Summer of Santi' sounds a whole lot better than 'Summer of Secrets'? And Howie as dumb as he is, is pretty darn good looking if you ask me.
So is Michael, and Jesus F'ing Christ I could have played a better stereotypical homosexual than Beau. Bitterness yet again I know. I will digress.
Editor's Note: Wow, I actually spent about 2 hours writing this. Ladies and Gentlemen you better have enjoyed this, or else next time I will write something bad about you.
P.S. Justin this one was especially for you, now post the stolen comment!
posted by Velvetsaje at 7/13/2005 06:35:00 PM
4 Comments:
I have an idea! Let's all turn off our TV sets and walk out our front doors and - gulp - play in the sunshine...and then get drunk and f@#k! Weeeeee.
I'm afraid if Britney couldn't successfuly spoon-feed me "reality"...I'm beyond hope.
But! I would pay damn good money to see my little sweetheart wreak havoc on Big Brother - talk about a madhouse! And ratings! And premeditated murder! Mercy.
- RT
Hey sugar booger, sorry I didn't get a chance to post this. But here it is now, so you can stop bitching. I thought this was pretty funny as usual. Thomas says WOOHOO
War of the Poses
On ''The Real World,'' Rachel and Nehemiah debate America's involvement in Iraq, then Danny and Melinda fight over her fake make-out session with Wes by Annie Barrett
WARRIOR PRINCESS What was a nurse girl like Rachel doing in a place like Iraq?
In episode 4, MTV brought out the big guns by highlighting the war in Iraq, an issue that, having received its seven-minute spot on The Real World, will now command the minds of American youth for months. Nehemiah (''I don't like war'') and Rachel (''I was in the war'') had a bit of a tiff about the war, which, apparently, Rachel fought all by herself, subsisting on water and Starburst jelly beans and crapping in holes she dug.
Not really, but I think that's what Nehemiah thinks Rachel thinks everyone should think. And so much thinking on this show just feels unnatural, so would you mind showing Wes walking into a wall again?
Neh and Rachel engaged in a classic left-wing-vs.-right-wing debate, except neither of them made any convincing political arguments. Their discussion over lunch ended up turning into a round of ''Would You Rather?'' — (a) be thrown in jail or (b) get deployed in Iraq? At this point, I expected Melinda to try to turn the focus on herself and jump in with ''I got one! Would you rather (a) watch me flick my tongue against Rachel's or (b) zoom in slowly on how my butt cheeks oh-so-delicately smush up against my pink shorts when I crawl into bed?'' But there would be time for that later.
Nehemiah's response to ''Would You Rather?'' was to suggest finding someone who has been both in jail and in Iraq to tell the world which was worse. I thought to myself that this idea made a lot of sense, until I envisioned Saddam making a guest appearance in the confessional wearing nothing but his briefs. Maybe Nehemiah could lure him in with promises of Doritos and body shots, and then Rachel could give him tough love, although not that tough because remember, she's only a nurse. Right, Neh?
Eventually, after a few minutes or a few days, depending on your concept of Real World time, Neh wrote what I assume was an apologetic note (although it'd be funnier if it just said, ''Psych!'') on the back of an envelope. What is he, like, against the United States Postal Service now, too? That anti-American bastard! In typical non-resolution style, Neh and Rachel neglected to acknowledge each other's sides in further debate. Now that they've hugged it out, they'll probably avoid the topic for the rest of the season. Whew.
After sitting through the so far relatively angst-free season (Danny's face and Mel's fabricated drama don't count), I appreciated the conflict between the peaceful dude and the aggressive nurse-warrior. Having a female soldier on Austin was a cool (albeit cliché) idea, and type A+ Rachel, despite her bossiness and obsession with punctuality, doesn't bug me that much. There are people like her everywhere. I almost like having them around because they make me feel more relaxed. If I were her roommate in Austin, she'd probably insist on keeping our barracks a substance-free territory, but it wouldn't even matter because I'd feel perpetually stoned. Maybe that's why Mel never seems to get out of her bed.
The episode's other major event, which I can't even handle calling ''major'' or an ''event'' because the whole thing was just so contrived, was Wes and Melinda's meaningless, camera-friendly (even though we mostly couldn't see faces, come on) make-out session outside a bar. Melinda complained to Danny, ''If you could see it, then you'd understand,'' and I had no idea why Coldplay's new single ''Speed of Sound'' (which contains that line) wasn't blasting in the background. Probably because then they'd have to do a dramatic pull-away shot of Danny's face and right now Danny still looks like the Phantom. Too bad.
Danny and Mel had their own version of the let's-fight-then-make-up routine, except I'm guessing theirs involved a happier ending than just a hug. Hey, did you guys gather that Melinda likes to have sex? It's like she wants everyone to know it or something. I'm not sure if it was when she told Rachel, ''I wanna go f---'' (Rachel was like, ''Who, me?''), or when she told Danny, ''I wanna f--- you so bad,'' but at one point I began hoping that she could boost her subtlety a bit. She answered my prayers while making up with Danny. After he plaintively said that her fooling around made him worry that he might get ''screwed,'' she replied, ''I don't want to screw you. I mean, I want to screw you, but I don't want to screw you.'' Now there's the complexity I was after! Of course, Danny's sensitive-guy act would have worked better if he hadn't been wearing that ''Beer Sports Women'' T-shirt.
I particularly loved how Lacey tried to pass off her tattling on Wes and Melinda as something anyone could have done. Yes, anyone could have, but I'm guessing one of the producers suddenly remembered Lacey, assumed she wouldn't do anything interesting that day, and told her to go deliver the gossip to Danny. Later, in the laundry room (they do their wash themselves, just like real people), Johanna asked Lacey who leaked the news, and instead of 'fessing up, Lacey cagily mumbled, ''It doesn't even matter — he won't even say.'' Ha! Watch out for this one. It'd be great if she turned out to be delightfully evil.
Oh, and for a minute there, film advisers Jenn and P.J. showed the roomies how to creep around a concert venue with video cameras by taking them to practice shooting at a club called the Velvet Spade, which looks 20 times cooler than any place they've visited in Austin so far. There is hope yet.
What do you think? Did Nehemiah take his argument too far? Is Mel just playing to the cameras? And how do you think Leo feels now that his on-screen description has changed from ''bartender and manager'' to ''Johanna's crush''?
what me bitch? never.
~santi
girl summer of santi is soooooooooo much better!
and can you imagine me on television being the one to drag your ass home after you slept with the only str8 guy left to get to the final three after drugging the dramatic str8 girl and off-ing the other token fag.
next summer girl next summer!
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